I’m Asari (Episode 54): Funny Thoughts For The Morning

Life is funny yo… life is funny. Sometimes I just sit and wonder, well in this case; I lie and wonder how unexpected things in life unfold with simple actions. You may be wondering what is making me think this… yup you guessed it, I am thinking about Derek Briggs.

It is funny because I am not thinking about him in that dreamy way or that ‘I have to see him in this very moment’ way or even in a sexual way. I am just thinking about the time we have together and how nice, simple, and uncomplicated he is. It feels good… too good to be true.

Maybe all the stressful back and forth I went through with Abdul has got me thinking that love is supposed to hard; asides what I went through with Abdul, when you look at life, the society, songs, and even movies… we are all told that love is hard which is hard because after telling us that love is hard; we are then told that a life without love is incomplete which is funny as hell.

Why would I want something that is so hard and painful? Why would god make love hard and painful and then tell us that we must be in a ‘loving’ relationship with one person for the rest of our lives to feel fulfilled? If you think about it with a logically mind, you would be tempted to think that it is a wicked position to put humanity but god is not wicked… so I am back to asking if love is indeed supposed to be hard or if I am even supposed to be with one person for the rest of my life.

I know my last statement is funny and perhaps surprising as per usual Asari has always been a stickler for marriage and kids and the whole nine yards of meeting someone and spending the rest of your life with that person. But heartbreak will do some shit to you and get you thinking and asking some strange questions… questions you would have never asked yourself in a million years.

I know you may be like “am I the first or only person to experience heartbreak?” no I am not but I am determined to not experience it ever again in my life… never ever ever again. People who go through devastating heartbreaks more than once are the ultimate soldiers of love but I am not a soldier of love…. Maybe a cheerleader of love? Or a waitress of love (serving it in the amount that I can carry at a time) but a soldier of love? I am definitely not.

Why am I thinking all these today? You may ask… because things with Derek Briggs have been going smoothly and it is funny (yeah I know everything I am thinking about today is funny … bear with me) because he is practically my dream guy who does everything expected of him but I am not head over heels for him… yet.

I want to be, I really want to get to the point where I am crazy about him because I know that he is crazy about me; it’s been a month and I am afraid he is going to tell me he loves me very soon. The problem is that I am not in that space for him yet.

Oh wells, as the French will say “live and let live”. I will live and just go with the flow… shoot!!! It’s almost 8:00 am. I will be late for work. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I got a job as a newscaster with N.T.A to read the 10 O’clock morning news. It’s not much but it is something and I am happy about. Okay bye.

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