Egbon and Mazi

Pidgin News (15): The King of Agbo

King Egbon, king …king… how far now?

Mazi, this one wey you dey call me king. Wetin happen?

I just dey hail you now. I no fit hail you again?

No, you no fit hail me, because I know you; you no dey just hail me free of charge like that

Nna enh, you know me well well but today all hail na free of charge. I don ordain you king

Aaah, no ordain me o. You know all the things wey go into the coronation of a king? You know Kwam 1 now?

Yes I know am, wetin do am? En don die?

Mazi, na wa for you o, na you kill am?

I just dey ask now

Which kind question be that? Anyway, wetin I be wan talk sef…. Okay you know say dem don ordain Kwam 1 as king o. En official title na the Mayegun of Yourubaland

Ehen, that’s serious. En papa be king before?

Honestly enh, as you dey ask me this question, I no know but dem don ordain am sha and even the Alaafin of Oyo dey advise am on how to comport enself as king

E be like say en don welcome am to the King club be that

E be like so. En tell Kwam 1 say any King wey dey club, dey drink and smoke no deserve respect, say make en no prostrate for am

So because person be king, en no fit enjoy life again. Make suffer head kill am

Ahn ahn, which suffer head again? You don hear any king wey suffer head kill am?

If you tell person make en no drink at all at all; not even palm wine, na suffer head be that. Ahn ahn with all the stress wey dey, person go need small ogogoro to soften the brain now

Tor, no be me give Kwam 1 that advise na Alaafin of Oyo you go go explain that one to.

All these traditional and religious rulers wey think say dem know everything. You never hear of the man wey carry en friend go meet wan Islamic cleric to help them solve their problems and en come give them herbal mixture to drink. The drink kill am and en friend dey critical condition for hospital

What!? I never hear say any herbal mixture kill anybody o. except dem go put another thing inside. Wetin dem do the cleric?

Dem don arrest am now. Na murder and attempted murder en commit so

Na wa o. person no go fit seek spiritual help for this country again? Which time herbal mixture kill person

I know say this news dey worry you because you dey drink agbo for the entire Africa

Mazi, the agbo wey I don drink and still dey drink for this my lifetime don surpass water for ocean

I happy say you gree. But why you dey drink agbo like this?

Jamb question. Agbo na medicine now

Na everyday person suppose dey drink medicine?

No be everyday but you don ever hear say I dey go hospital? Because of the agbo wey I dey drink; I no dey sick like you wey you dey get high BP every time

Abeg, no use my sickness insult me. Na small question I ask you

Abeg, no vex. Na example I be wan give you. Dem don kidnap another lawmaker for north o

Nna enh, the kind kidnap wey dem dey kidnap for that side, I no just understand am. Who dem carry this time?

Na one district head for Kano. Dem carry this time

Hmmm. All these kidnapping just tire me

Honestly. Abeg make I come dey go chop. I no fit come and go and kill myself

At all. I dey behind you.

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