I’m Asari (Episode 59): Truth Or Dare, The Truth Is That I Fvcked Up

I woke up with a terrible hangover this morning; the only good thing about this hangover is that it wasn’t a lie when I told them at work that I couldn’t come in because I am not feeling well. How did I get this insane hangover that I am nursing? Two words… Truth or Dare. Okay, it is three words, pardon me… I have a terrible headache so I can’t think too straight or my brain will explode right now.

Last night was a lot of fun, fun that I have not had in a very long time. The last time I played truth or dare was in secondary school and I forgot how fun it is or rather how it can easily make you drunk. That is if you aren’t up to telling the truth or doing the dare.

Ashezi, Lota, and I were invited for game night by an acquaintance of ours; her name is Linda and she lives in London but she comes to Nigeria once a year to see her folks. And every time she is around, you can bet that something crazy will happen.

The last time she came around, she invited us to a fashion show that turned into a strip club and then a wrestling match between her boyfriend, his friends, and some other guys which later involved the police. So yeah, she is crazy, rather she attracts crazy situations. So you can imagine our concern when she invited us to game night.

“I promise you guys that nothing crazy will happen except a good old fun game night” she assured us “promise” I asked “please promise oh because I don’t have the energy to explain myself to police whilst trying to hide my drunkenness” Lota added “I promise… we are going to play truth or dare, charades and the rest and it will be in my house so everyone will behave” she reassured us.

Game night came and my plan was to do all I could not to get drunk; we started by playing truth or dare as Linda promised and it was bloody. I struggled with the decision to invite Derek or not but when I saw the kind of questions and dares we were giving each other; I knew that I had made the right decision not to invite him.

Can you imagine these people dared me to take off all my clothes… gaad damn, I had to drink and when I chose truth, they asked me to describe what I am like in bed and I was like “y’all are crazy, what kind of questions are these?” “This is truth or dare, what did you expect us to ask you? Math questions” a guy asked and I nodded “yes that will be better”

When I said that, someone came up with the suggestion to ask me only math questions but there was a twist “if you fail, you will drink” the game co-ordinator said “no problem” I said with the arrogance of a semi drunk person.

In my mind, I didn’t think that there was any math question they were going to ask me that I wouldn’t be able to solve… P.S. I’m good at math but they shocked me. They shocked my soul… I didn’t get any of the math questions they asked me right; I was just drinking shot after shot. The last thing I remember was me asking where the bathroom was.

I don’t even remember leaving the party and coming home…. Wait my phone is ringing, let me answer it, it’s Lota calling.

Oh my god!!! Oh my god!!! Oh my god!!! I can’t believe what Lota just told me… oh my god!!! What have I done?? Lota just told me that when I came out of the bathroom last night, I called her aside and told her that I was engaged. She told me that I told her that I called Derek and asked him to marry me and he said yes. I… am… never… ever… drinking… again. Fvck!!!

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