I’m Asari (Episode 57): I Feel Like Job

I feel like Job… Job, the guy in the bible who god allowed all kinds of evil befall him just to test his loyalty; I find the story about Job interesting, not because of the part that no matter how bad things got, he still didn’t stop praising god but because of the part that he said… and I’m paraphrasing here “everything I have feared, has befallen me”… yup Job said that but most people forget and like to bypass that part of scripture.

Why do I feel like Job? Not because any kind of plaque befell me or god tested my loyalty or something but only because everything I feared was going to happen in the past week happened. And now I don’t know what to do… I know what I want to do but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.

Everything between Derek Briggs and I have been going great, we hardly fight; and even when we do, we settle it maturely and life goes on. On paper, Derek Briggs is the man of my dreams but there was something missing.

I don’t know what it was but I just felt like something was missing and as the months went by; I felt like I may have to break up with him but how could I break up with someone so special?

I couldn’t do it, so I decided to give it time and see what happens hoping that he wouldn’t know that something was missing… you can imagine that the last thing I wanted to hear was him telling me “I love you”. I wasn’t ready to hear those three words from him; in short I was petrified of hearing those three words from him.

That was my first fear, now to my second fear… Abdul. You know how we were trying to be just friends? I wanted to make it legit and honest… I didn’t want to feel like I was doing something sneaky behind Derek’s back so I decided to introduce both of them and Abdul was very okay with it. I say very okay because when I told him about it, he was like “yeah, I was even going to ask when I would meet your boyfriend; he seems like a good fellow”

So you can imagine my happiness and relief when Abdul said those words. But the day they were supposed to meet came and Abdul didn’t show up; we were supposed to meet at Metro Café, not only did he not show up, he didn’t even call to cancel and say why.

“He probably has an emergency or something” Derek consoled me but I had a feeling that the so called emergency was that he still had feelings for me. Yes, I had a feeling he still did but the last thing I wanted was for him to express those feelings to me… all I wanted was to be friends and move on with our lives.

Derek and I turned the supposed meeting into a date; we had a lovely dinner and Derek dropped me at home. In the act of trying to leave the car, Derek held my hand “I am in love with you” he said softly “nooooooooooo” I thought but I was quiet.

I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to say “I love you” back because it would be a lie “I don’t know what to say” I confessed “please don’t be upset” I pleaded “are you kidding me? Why would I be upset? Naah” he replied, kissed my forehead “I will see you tomorrow” he said waiving me out of the car in a joking manner. “I will see you tomorrow” I replied with a smile and left.

I was not home for more than ten minutes when my phone rang, it was Abdul; I didn’t want to answer but I did anyway “I’m outside” he said and cut the line.

“I am sorry that I didn’t come…” he started and I interrupted him “it’s fine, we will do it another day” “there won’t be another day” he said firmly “why?” I asked with naivety.

He took a deep breath “because… I can’t just be your friend. I have a feeling that you don’t want to hear this but it is the truth. I love you and I know that you love me too” he didn’t give me a chance to chip in

“You already know this but I will say it anyway… things didn’t work out with Jane because of you; I couldn’t marry her… I couldn’t go through with it because of the way I feel about you. I love you, you are the one” he still didn’t give me a chance to chip in

“I know this is a lot for you to take right now especially because you are dating someone but I can’t keep this in anymore… you are the one” he finished, finally giving me a chance to speak. My mouth opened but nothing came out.

“Do you need time to think about this?” he asked and I nodded. We were silent again, I could see that he desperately wanted me to say something but I was speechless. The dude just said that I am the one.

“Call you later?” he asked and I nodded “okay then” he said giving me an awkward hug before leaving.

So yeah, for now you can call me Job because everything I was scared of this past week happened and just like Job; I will try not to think about it too much. Whatever will be will be.

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