It was a very cold morning, which is a good thing in this part of the world but I don’t think it was a good thing for me because it encouraged me to curl up in bed and sulk. Yup… you heard me right… sulk and why was I sulking? Birthday blues… indeed, yesterday was my birthday and instead of being happy to see another year; I was sad.
You remember that during the intervention held for me about two weeks ago, my father offered to take me and a friend of mine to Mauritius but I declined the offer… I know I know… I don’t have sense for declining such a nice offer. But the thing is that I was very sure that Mauritius or any other vacation spot was not going to solve my problem nor cure the birthday blues I was feeling.
After all, they say that you cannot buy happiness… now before you roll your eyes, please hear me out. I know that Mauritius is an amazing place to go to and nobody in their right mind will turn down an offer to go there but I didn’t want to go somewhere awesome; forget all my problems and insecurities and then come back to the reality that is my not so awesome life. Take Lagos for an example. Lota, Ashezi and I went to Lagos to get away from our problems and it didn’t do anything for us.
So, I hope with these few points of mine I have been able to convince you on why I didn’t accept my father’s offer to send me to Mauritius. Anyway back to my birthday morning and the birthday blues I woke up with. It wasn’t a land mark birthday but it is an age that drew me closer to thirty and you know what turning thirty does to people. I turned twenty seven and I did not love it.
First of all, I thought that at this age, I would have a job as a Television host/personality, I would be more financially independent than I currently am, I would be living on my own and finally, I would be either in a relationship or engaged.
So far, all I am is nothing. I have no job, some amount of money, I am still living with my parents and most painfully, I am single and secretly pinning for the person who hurt me deeply. Pathetic, ain’t it?
I was home alone, so there was no one at home to drag me out of bed and shake me out of my birthday blues. My parents, in their desperation to make me happy again; left the house for me the previous night “throw a party with your friends… invite anybody you want to invite. And if you need anything, we are one call away” my mother announced as my father handed me a ward of cash.
They were out of the door before I could even stop them, a part of me didn’t want them to go… my brother was back in school and I didn’t want to be alone; but how could I tell them that when I couldn’t even admit it to myself?
As noon approached, I was finally able to peel myself off my bed; Lota and Ashezi were coming over and I didn’t want them to see me in that condition. Feeling sad was enough, adding their pity to it was going to devastate me.
A few hours later, they came with drinks and food and we hung out… rather, we hung in; did our ladies version of Netflix and chill and it was nice. It helped me take my mind off things and I did my best not to talk about topics that had to do with age, ambition or relationship. I think they sensed it and followed suit which made me really appreciative.
“Asari, are you having the birthday blues?” Lota asked looking at me intently “birthday blues? Nope” I lied, avoiding eye contact with her. You think I was going to be honest, after that intervention? So that she would think that I am depressed and tell my mother to put me on suicide watch… never.
Usually, I would ask her why she was asking but I really didn’t want to have that conversation; I didn’t even want to try to convince her otherwise “Let’s watch the film jare” I said casually changing the topic as Ashezi came back to the living room from the kitchen. She made a nice cocktail for me, named it Asaripolitan… funny name.
At about 7:00 pm, they left; it was a Sunday and they both had very early mornings the next day “thank you guys… I really enjoyed this birthday. It was exactly what I wanted” I said, my heart sinking as they took their handbags to leave. I didn’t want them to leave.
I could have easily told one of them to stay with me and they would have but then it would lead to a conversation I didn’t want to have; so I let them go. What is it with people leaving when you need them to stay and staying when you don’t really need them around? Hmmm…
All in all, asides from the birthday blues I was feeling; my birthday was good. I shut down everything in the house and retired to my room but a continuous knock on the front door didn’t let me change into my nightgown. I was expecting my parents the next morning but I just assumed it was them arriving earlier than they said they were going to.
I rushed to the door, switching on the lights on my way to the door; I didn’t want them to think I was living in darkness and start thinking something else. It’s hard trying to convince people that you are not depressed.
Anyway, I opened the door and to my utter surprise, it was not my parents… it was Abdul. I just stood there looking at him, I was too surprised to talk; after a long silence “I wanted to tell you happy birthday” he said, his eyes searching mine “I couldn’t reach you on phone… you blocked me” he continued, walking closer.
I’m sure he could see my chest puffing and deflating from my nervous breath; I still couldn’t talk. “Happy birthday” he said softly, his hands caressing my face but our eyes still sealed together. I tried to speak but the words didn’t come forth “I’m sorry… I just have to do this” he said and kissed me before I understood why he was apologizing.
I would have stopped him but where was the strength? I had used all my strength to pine for him and now that he was here, all I could do was to kiss him back. As shocking as the turn of events was for me, I can tell you that I do not have the birthday blues anymore.