I’m Asari (Episode 44): The Bad Thing About Having a Good Friend

Okay, so I woke up yesterday morning to one of my worst nightmares; you want to know what that is? My worst nightmare? Okay, one of my worst nightmares is a friend who does things… chores that I never do at home and makes my mother complain about me.

Now back to what I saw when I woke up this yesterday. First of all, I didn’t wake up late; I was up quite early which was around seven o’clock… let’s say seven thirty. I woke up and Lota, my friend was not in bed but I didn’t think much of it; I assumed that she was probably outside doing whatever. Like I said earlier, I didn’t think much of it; I just went to brush my teeth and wash my face.

After thirty minutes of my morning routine, I decided to go out of my room in search of my friend just to make sure that she didn’t wake up early in the morning and bolt. As I entered the living room, I noticed that the living room was spotless and smelled of house fragrance but again… I didn’t pay much attention until I entered the kitchen and there she was; my friend, Lota.

“You are awake… sit … sit. I made breakfast” she greeted me like we were in the sixties and she was my wife. “Oh no, you didn’t have to” I sat down and before I even finished my sentence, my dear friend Lota put a plate of akara and pap in front of me.

“How did you wash and ground beans this early morning?” I was curious. “I used the blender to ground the beans. It wasn’t a bother” she replied. I wasn’t asking to know whether it was a bother, I was asking because I wanted to know the magic she used to get this done before eight in the morning.

I can barely make cereal for myself in the morning and she was able to make an entire meal before eight. She was able to make a whole balanced diet “maybe it won’t taste nice” I thought “damn it!” I muttered after taking one bit of the akara and a spoon of pap.

“Is everything alright?” she asked “no everything is fine” I replied but nope… everything was not fine; the akara and pap was delicious. “Good morning ma” I heard Lota say and I turned to see my mother “mummy good morning” I greeted but my mother didn’t look too pleased to see me alive.

“Oh good, you are finally awake” she retorted, what does she mean ‘good you are finally awake’? As if I woke up at noon; I freaking got up before eight but my mother was not done shaming me “while you were asleep, your friend Lota managed to clean everywhere and make us all a quality breakfast” I tried very hard not to roll my eyes at the mention of the word quality “My dear, thank you jare” she thanked Lota and left the kitchen before I could say anything to defend myself.

I was upset o. I was upset that my friend came to my house to do ‘wife material’ steez for my mother but I wasn’t upset enough to not finish my akara and pap. I had to finish it, that thing was freaking delicious; if I wasn’t upset, I would have gone for another round.

Throughout that day, every time my mother needed something done; she went to Lota and that shit hurt my feelings like what the hell mehn. I invited this girl to come and stay with me in order to help her feel better about her breakup and now she wants to break me and my mother up. I was not going to let her win.

How was I going to not let her win? By talking to her but I didn’t want to talk to her about it because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So what was I going to do? Suck it up and pray that she gets the hint from my attitude (yes I was giving her an attitude all day)… So yeah I hope she gets the hint and stops. Like sleep when I sleep, wake up when I wake up and do the chores I allow her to do in the house; Asari style.

We went to bed and slept peacefully; I slept with the impression that my friend being the smart person that she is had read the handwritings on the wall and was not going to let history repeat itself but what do you know. The next morning was even worse… she made masa and soup… as in the masa soup and it was absolutely delicious. I have to talk to this girl.

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