I’m Asari (Episode 30): The First Step to Happiness is in your Phone

As I put the phone back to face my wine, my phone started ringing again and it was him. I couldn’t answer, I was scared to. What did he want, for me to congratulate him? What if he tells me the reasons he couldn’t be with me? What would I say? I just knew that I was not going to be able to get through a call with him without balling my eyes out. So I stared at my ringing phone again with my heart in my throat.

I stared at the phone contemplating if I should answer the call until the phone stopped ringing. I was sad a little that I was not going to hear his voice but relieved at the same time; because I was not faced with the choice of having to listen to him talk and get my heart broken more than it already was.

I put my phone on airplane mode and drank my wine; I drank wine like a thirsty warrior and cried like a young widow. I thought about calling my friends but I wasn’t ready to hear things like “he doesn’t deserve you” “let him go” “he is the one who has lost” but no… I am the one who has lost, I am the one who likes drama and likes to complicate the simple things in my life, I am the one who likes tall dark and handsome; what am I? I bloody teenager? And here I was wailing over the opposite of tall dark and handsome.

I cried until I slept off, thank god it was already night so nobody in the house bothered me; they figured that I was asleep. The next day wasn’t any different; I felt like crap and in that state, my mother forced me to go to church. I really wanted to skip that Sunday but she wasn’t having it. I bet you’ve never seen a zombie in church before but the members of my church have; a zombie called Asari. During service my phone rang, it was not on silent and the judgemental looks did not bug me at all.

I took the phone and it was Abdul again. This time I answered, outside the church building of course. “Hello” the first words of a phone call I believed was going to make me feel worse.

“I’m sorry” was the first thing he said, I was taken aback because I didn’t understand what he was apologizing for “sorry for what?” I asked

“For everything… everything you and I have been through, there’s something I need to tell you…” “I know that you are engaged” I cut him short; there was no way that I was going to let him say those words to me. Hearing it from him would have broken me further. We were quiet just listening to our breaths on the phone for almost thirty seconds “congratulations” I brought myself to say “thank you” he replied and more silence.

I guess we were quiet because there was nothing more to say; what was I going to say to him? Beg him not to marry her? And what was he going to tell me? Even if he was getting married to her because his parents were forcing him and not because he wanted to; it wasn’t something he should tell me. I told him that I was in church and that I wanted to go back in. That was it, the phone call that I dreaded so much wasn’t as awful as I thought it was going to be.

After church I went to Lota’s house and told her everything; just like I predicted she said the sentences that I predicted and it felt good. Getting over Abdul is going to be one of the toughest things I am ever going to do in my life but having good friends beside me telling me how I deserve someone better is going to help me get through it for sure.

She dragged me out to watch a movie and it was good; we saw a comedy that made me laugh my ass off. In the cinema my phone rang again; it was Abdul. “Don’t answer it” Lota commanded and I obeyed “if you truly want to get over him, you have to delete his contact from your phone and block him” she said and she was right.

I don’t know why he kept calling but I was sure that us keeping in touch was not good for me as long as he was with someone else; and I sure hoped that he was not trying to tell me that we should be friends. If I wanted to be just friends with him, I would have never told him that I was in love with him.

That night I just laid on my bed wondering how I was going to get through work the next day in the state that I was in and my phone rang… guess who it was… you guessed right, it was Abdul. This time I knew what to do; as much as I longed to talk to him, I didn’t. When my phone was done ringing, I blocked him and deleted him from phone. If only I could delete him from my heart as easily as I did my phone… *sigh*…’ it is well, even in the well’.

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