Hello beautiful people!
Welcome back to MindTalks with Imma on everyeveryng.
Yes, it’s Saturday. Quite an unusual day for podcasting, but you know, I mean, why not podcast when you have something interesting to talk about?
Well, yesterday on our regular TGIF show, I talked about self-love, and I wrote about self-love too.
How I want to be loved. This is the topic we’re going to be talking about today. It’s a love week, yes, yes.
How I want to be loved; how you want to be loved. You have to personalise it. And this is, particularly for relationships.
Love languages apply to friendships too, yea, but I’m talking today about relationships. People who are in a relationship, you know, so it’s exclusive to just two people, between two people.
Some time ago, I was having a conversation with a friend, and he was telling me how his love language is quality time, and his girlfriend’s love language is receiving gifts. So his girlfriend is always buying him gifts because she probably thinks, if I like receiving gifts, then he should too, everyone should. I mean, who doesn’t like gifts. But he’s like, oh no, this is not what I want. With constant communication, it’s as if the girl changes for a while; then, she goes back to what she has been doing before.
And it reminded me of when I first read Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman; by the way, it’s a great read. It’s not just interesting; it’s very educational.
So he talked about the five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch and receiving gifts. He explained them and how they could apply to people in a relationship; he used marriage as his experiment.
Talking about quality time, a partner with quality time as their love language wants you to be present. That is why you see guys whose quality time is their love language say, ‘She’s not paying attention. And you are like, ‘But I’m here. He says, ‘No, you’re pressing your phone or reading something. Someone with quality time wants you to be there, quality over quantity, not just walking around the house but giving them that attention.
Love for Partners with words of affirmation love encouragement want to be talked to, wants to be complemented, wants to be “vocal centre of attention”, sort of.
Someone with acts of service loves a thoughtful partner who puts in the effort, no matter how little. They like to see that effort; oh, you tried to do this for me; oh, you tried to clean the room; oh, you tried to do that. So they feel loved if they are thoughtful in putting in the effort to make life easier for me.
Love for Someone with physical touch wants to be touched. It’s not all about intimacy. Someone with physical contact love language likes hand-holding, hugging, massage, head rubs, foot rubs, you know, just something that makes any part of the body touched. They feel, Ooh! You like my body.
Someone with receiving gifts loves language love gifts, especially women, but men love receiving gifts too. They feel, okay, you have me in mind; you saw this and got it for me, that means you have me in mind.
The essence of our podcast today is talking about how you want to be loved and know that you deserve to be loved how you want to be loved, not how your partner wants to love you that what we mistake most times. You feel that because physical touch is your love language, you want to touch your partner, and you forget that they want you to say things to them; ‘Don’t be touching me, say it with your mouth’. And then, it’s also applicable to those who have quality time as their love language and their partner has acts of service as their love language, you know.
This is how I want to be loved and understanding how your partner wants to be loved too; ‘cos you love them how they want to be loved and they love you how you want to be loved, no in-betweens. That way, there’s always misinterpretations or misunderstandings in relationships because love is consistently far to reach, per se, when your partner does not love you how you want to be loved. You keep hearing, ‘I love you, I love you, but you’re not feeling it cos you’ve not loved the way you want to be loved.
Communication helps tackle this a great deal. But over time, I’ve also understood that it’s not just communication if you are communicating with someone who isn’t listening. It’s not about saying it; it’s about someone who listens and puts it into action. Oh, he has made this correction that he wants this, she has made this correction she wants this, and you put it into practice. Because you’re communicating doesn’t make sense if the person doesn’t see the effort, it’s useless. So yes, know today that; number one, you deserve to be loved, that’s the main point, and number two, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved, the way you want to feel it.
Being considerate is something we should learn, and knowing that it’s a gradual process of understanding each other, falling in love every day with each other, ‘cos, there’s something new, no matter how little it is, that you learn about your partner and then you implement it. Being considerate to your needs and knowing that it takes time, it’s a gradual process until your partner knows the extent to which you’ll be loved, and your love can is full; you can’t know everything about a person.
Yes, guys, that’s for today’s episode.
Go forth, my darlings, spread love in your relationship, in your friendship, everywhere. But know that your partner deserves to be loved the way they want to be loved.
So until next time, guys, remember in the world where you can be anything, please be kind.
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So see you all guys. Until next time…bye.