Mad Oh! A Short Story

‘’Mad oh! You and I are like Buhari and travel’’ that was the last line of word Vivian heard as she was tapped by her mother. ‘’who are you kissing with that your shovel-shaped mouth?’’ she said and left her to decide her fate.

Still yawning and stretching her arms, Vivian felt a pain in her toe. Behold, it was a sharp bite by the rodent. ‘’No wonder! The thing just dy sweet me as I dy sleep, so na this nonsense rats they eat my toe, dey blow am breeze’’. She then jumped out of the foam laid on the bare floor.

She had just received her first job interview just a day before after a couple of years applying for any job posted online.The job interview is slated for 9am and it will take her about 45 minutes on the road to get Surulere. It’s 7:50am already. She quickly picked her soap case and a carried a bucket of water she fetched before sleeping in the night. Vivian got to the backyard of the face me I face you house only to see four other tenants already lined up to make use of the only bathroom in the eight rooms house.

‘’Eeeh eeh, mad oh!’’ she screamed and quickly turned back into the room. There she quickly soaked one of her mother’s wrapper and used it to clean her face, arms, and leg. She then wore her dress that has been baptized with perfume.  Roll on, powder and lip gloss did the remaining costume and she hurriedly carried her bag. ‘’see you at the shop with my employment letter mama’’ she said as she stepped out of the house and headed for the bus stop.

Vivian got to the bus stop and luckily for her, she got the last space beside the bus conductor. ‘’I no get change o, I no fit speak English later o’’ the bus conductor hammered these words with dexterity. Vivian’s mind went to and fro. She was disturbed when one of the passengers spoke on phone; ‘’Hey TJ, if you can’t get me an Uber, then forget it. I don’t do public transport you know’’ . The lady in the bus said to her caller at the other end of the phone. This got Vivian to scream ‘’mad oh, hmm’’.

The lady who received the call then alighted in the next bus stop. As soon as she did, her conversation then became the topic of discussion in the yellow Lagos bus. ‘’What are we not going to see in this our Lagos so ?’’ ‘’No mind am, na from helicopter she drop na’’ another man said at the back. ‘’Hahahaha! That is mad oh’’ Vivian cut in.

‘’Next bus stop o, oga driver’’ she said as she saw the company’s building from the distance. She alighted few minutes later and was about to go further when the bus conductor called her back. ‘’U no go pay me again, abi na free transport service be dis?’’ ‘’Huh! Sorry I forgot but that is mad oh’’ she replied and quickly pay the bus conductor.

It was a full house at the hall where the interview will be held. Applicants had to pick tally that bears a number in the order of arrival into the building. Vivian picked number 37, so that means there are 36 applicants ahead of her. About an hour later, it was her turn. She sat face to face with the interviewer and was told to present her CV and other educational documents. She dipped her hands into the bag to pick her files only to bring out undies that belongs to her younger sister, Amaka. ‘’eewo! Mad oh!’’ ‘’Thank God you know you are mad, next person please’’ the interviewer said and she was thrown out for the exercise to continue.