Ẹ̀gbọ́n Jimọh & Mazi Okoroafor (Episode 8): Unfortunate Whale, Nigerian Birtherism, and an Executive Slap

Egbon my friend, how are you this beautiful Nigerian day?

Mazi, kosi wahala for my side o. Like you always say, it’s only hunger.

True to God, Egbon, there is serious hunger in the land. Didn’t you hear about the whale that washed up on a shore in Bayelsa?

Hehehe. I don’t need Ifa to tell me what happened to that unfortunate whale. It will be like they were waiting for it to arrive.

NAFDAC even announced that it might be poisonous. But belle need something warm.

E don don happen before naa, abi? Next time make the whale avoid Nigeria.

I swear there are so many reasons to avoid Nigeria right now. Shebi your brother, the VP said we should learn and emulate the ways of Tinubu.

Hahaha. That our entire Nigeria should learn from Tinubu ni o. What’s not to learn from Jagaban. You’re busy talking about my brothers, what about your own brothers?

Which ones? What happened?

Okorocha and Ihedioha. Shebi they said Ihedioha slapped Okorocha’s daughter? Now women are going to protest about it. Plenty drama in Imo state.

Egbon, I don’t even understand what is happening there. Okorocha will not face Senate that he is now a member of and Ihedioha is allowing himself to be distracted instead of working. I am tired, Ike agwula m.

A supporter of Ihedioha said that Okorocha’s daughter should be happy because what she received was not ń ordinary slap, it was an executive one.Hahaha.

And what is wrong with Yahya Bello and his Deputy busy fighting each other when election is around the corner?

Those ones! Another set of unserious bunch. Atiku is sweating over election results and the challenge of his citizenship, those boy are there fighting like teenagers.

Ehen, what is all this talk about Atiku’s citizenship?

Kyarri testified at the Tribunal that Atiku’s father and grandfather are not from Nigeria.

How is that possible? Because of the border Adamawa share with Cameroon?

Yes, but also because, initially, that part of Adamawa was not part of Nigeria.

Uhun…now nkọ?

I don’t know o. Maybe they are jus bringing whatever weapons they have in their arsenal now.

Including spoon and toothpick?

Hahaha. Atiku’s legal team brought up the fake certificate thing again so maybe that’s why they decided to do, what do Americans call it again?…birtherism.

All those ones na plenty English. I can’t wait to hear the Tribunal’s final judgment. So we can hear word afterwards.

Or maybe we will protest, like Sowore said we should.

That your brother sef. Did you hear that DSS arrested him this morning?

Why? Is it because of the protest?

Maybe, we are not sure yet.

Na wa. Is it a crime to protest again? Issorite.

Ehen, so Ighalo is reversing his retirement?

I don’t know o. Why did he say he will retire before?

You never really know with these kind of things.

I heard he supported out his fellow players in Egypt when they were out money. I thought they had everything they need?

Are you surprised? Did same thing not happen with Mikel Obi at the last Olympics?

Na wa. Nigeria.

Egbon, it is time to greet Ali Baba. Ah, me too go vamoose now. We go see next time now, shebi?

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To read last week’s episode, click here.