Ẹ̀gbọ́n Jimọh & Mazi Okoroafor (Episode 7): Legislative Snake, Hypothetical Exams, and a Wailing Former Governor

Egbon Jimoh, the ancestral son of Oduduwa, Omo Oduduwa for short! Hahaha.

Mazi Okoroafor, the Ogburugburu 1 of Igboland. After you na you still remain.

How na? How body?

Ah. Mazi my friend we are fine o. Na Oluwa get mouth. How your family?

Them dey fine o. At least them see food chop today. So, it’s a good day.

Na so o. Wetin dey happen for the country this week?

Nigeria as usual. Plenty drama with little or no progress at all.

So nothing don change be that?

Errr, E be like say Liberia like our president pass us. They gave him their highest National award on his recent visit to the country this week.

Hmmm. Travelling president. They like him that much there? Na wa o. We barely look at his face here these days sef.

True, this Next Level is one kain. At least he has finally nominated his cabinet members after two months since inauguration. Thank God he did not beat his 2015 record.

The cabinet nominations filled with old men only? Where are the youths he promised?

I don’t know, biko.

What about their portfolios? Shebi they will go to National Assembly for screening . How will that work? When the teacher and the student don’t even know the subject they are sitting for in the exam. A hypothetical examination!

Hahaha. It is like going for a job interview without knowing the job description. How do you know what you are going against? Chineke God.

But we will applaud him for not beating his own record abi? But Boris Johnson appointed his own cabinet within two days of being sworn in. our own took 2 months to nominate.

NASS might take their own 1 month too like this. What about the new CJN proudly announcing that termites ate his certificate?

Shebi you see why I say we are not a serious people abi? Look at Shiite wahala increasing everyday. We have not finished with Boko Haram and herdsmen, but we are letting this one grow.

To the extent of killing a police deputy commissioner right in the middle of Abuja.

Maybe they’ll take it more seriously now that it’s happening at the President’s backyard. Because, nítorí Ọlọ́run, It is not funny what Nigeria is turning into.

My brother, me I will just run to my village o. I can’t come and die here.

Ah, Mazi, is your village not in Nigeria? Hahaha. What makes you think that when the country is burning it won’t affect your village?

Err.. At least I’ll be with my fellow kinsmen, okwaya?

Speaking of your kinsmen, e be like say Karma don send EFCC to visit one o, hehe.

Rochas?

Bẹẹni, yes, who else again? That statue-building crazy governor.

That man is a disappointment. I campaigned for him o. When he was pretending to be a rich philanthropist.

I heard the property seized are many o. Some are even in his wife’s and daughter’s names.

Now he’s claiming Imo State government is behind the investigation. He has become a wailer.

No single shame in that man’s entire body.

A slippery snake is all he is. Ahh. Egbon I just remembered something that happened somewhere close to your village.

What is that?

Snake?

Snake happened?

No. Snake fell from the ceiling in Ondo state House of Assembly chased the legislators out of the building.

Hahaha. Oti o. So plenary just ended like that?

Ended? They suspended it till further notice. As if they’re not the ones who embezzled the maintenance money.

It’s good. One day their terrible actions will come and bite them in the buttocks.

You mean in form of snakes?

Hahahaha.

Ehen, Egbon which church did you do your wedding? Because Federal Government just said a lot of churches are not authorized to conduct marriage. Hope you and Mama Femi are not operating an illegal marriage? Hehe.

That is their business o. What God has joined together…

Let no man asunder! Hahaha haha. Me I was wedded in a Cathedral in Onitsha by a Bishop Emeritus! Chai. Good old days!

Mazi before you start this your lamentations from the past, let me start vamoosing.

Okay okay. Let us shake hands like Oshiomole and Obaseki. Hehe.

Funny man, in a funny country. Greet your family for me. They will hear, Egbon Jimọh my friend.

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To read last week’s episode, click here.