Ẹ̀gbọ́n Jimọh & Mazi Okoroafor (Episode 4): Abacha’s Protégés, A Rascal Senator, and His Defending Champion

Mazi, why are you holding that small radio to your ear like that? What happened to your television? Did they steal it last night?

Chai. Egbon, it is exactly like they stole it o. My wife and Ada have taken over the TV because of Big Brother Naija. I can’t even watch news on my own TV again. Before it’s Telemundo and Zee World, now it’s BBNaija.

Haha. Na so o. Even for my house, Iyawo mi ti take over. They are busy watching people living their lives inside a house. But I like newspaper better anyway.

Reminds me of the one that other time, Efe won it. Nice boy. Ehen, Egbon Newspaper, what are the headlines today?

Plenty drama o. Oyetola won Adeleke at the Supreme Court judgment on Osun elections. Tinubu and Buhari are now using it to annoy PDP people. You know how petty these politicians can be?

You mean like Gbajabiamila’s House of Reps? They have not even started, they are becoming badly behaved. Minority leader this. Majority leader that. Is that not how that rascal of a senator beat up a citizen in a sex toy shop? To think that his wife spoke out in his defense. See Nigeria see leaders o.

Ah. Mazi Okoro. But policemen were standing with him while he was attacking her ni ó. Are we safe in this country like this? Because they released a video of him doing it, he is now pretending to be sorry and IG now ordered his arrest.

And his colleagues at the Senate have created a committee to look into the matter. And maybe another committee to analyze what the first committee found. That is probably the last we’ll hear about it. Egbon, we have seen this many times, not so?

These men are just area boys in power. They are just terrorizing the whole garage for nothing.

Like the type your sister, the VP’s wife, said she grew up working around okwaya? Hehe. Plenty funny things we hear in this country. Na wa. So, Oba of Benin couldn’t settle the problem between Oshobaba and Obaseki, now it’s Buhari they’re begging to help?

Those ones. What are they even fighting over? Oshomole sef, he likes fighting with everyone about everything.

Maybe he’s just trying to remind us that Edo governorship election is close, you know? Flexing of muscle power. Haha. Are they not your people?

Okoro, I’m a Yoruba man gan ni ó.

Is it not Oba all of you call your kings? What is the difference there?

Okay, since you want to talk. What is this thing with your people and jewelry, eh? $40 million dollars in jewelry? Olorun, egba mì o!

Me I can’t defend theft o. Imagine the ones that she’s still hiding. She and Abacha are just the same thing. The former First lady too. She recently forfeited N9.2bn. See these people sucking the country dry, when citizens are suffering. Egbon, this country is just disappointing us.

My son looks at me and asks whether we are cursed. I told him that it is possible. These days it looks like we can’t do anything well là sàn.

Even Super Eagles! Madagascar beat us 2 – 0. Madagascar o. Is it now Cameroon that we can defeat? I am not expecting anything from them as I am. Chai!

Maybe it is charm. You know, the ones these Akwa Ibom people are using to prevent government from demolishing buildings. Hahaha. This country is very funny, true to God who made me.

Eziokwu m. It is annoying and funny. Which is why my stomach is complaining now. Egbon, let me go and eat food biko. I cannot come and go and kill myself.

Àbí na. Make I follow you too. E be like say my own dey complain too.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it? New episodes of this column will be updated every Saturday on this blog. Now, kindly share with your friends, family, and colleagues.

To read last week’s episode, click here.