Marriage is an institution and it is through marriages that families are created. Its importance cannot be denied but is it really what everyone wants? Some would argue that marriage is the means to all ends while others will completely disagree.
For some, marriage is too traditional and restrictive so they opt for partnerships and open relationships. However, if you do get married what will you be expecting from your partner? Sometimes or even most times these expectations are not clear and partners have to figure them out on the fly. This can be dangerous though because it is error-prone and often leads to misunderstandings and in some extreme cases annulment or divorce.
Of course, there is no rule book for marriage and even when you ask around every woman will tell you something different about their ideal man. However, I am sure there are things that count as basic requirements. This article looks at 10 of those things every woman looks out for in their man.
What has confounded me though is the fact that every woman wants something different from a man? Just for context, on my way to work one morning, I overheard a man talking about his female neighbor who only finds marital joy whenever she has a problem with her husband. That is to say, she doesn’t find her husband attractive when things are going smoothly only after they have a fight.
Now, this situation is absurd and could be an extremely rare case, but it makes me wonder nonetheless what women really want? Some women are simple enough to just want the simple things like a man who respects them and is hardworking enough to support her dreams and ambitions. But some other women just want things that cannot even be found on the moon.
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Not too digress a lot, this article looks at some of the basic requirements for every relationship. What women really want might differ across the board but there are some things that every woman wants.
1. To Know She’s Loved
Loving someone is very different from showing someone love. As a man, you could say you love your wife or girlfriend, but if you never show it then it means nothing. Every woman wants to know that they are loved dearly by their man. No woman ever tires of hearing the words “I love you” especially from her husband.
Most Nigerian men struggle with this though and it is because of what our society considers to be weaknesses. An unexpected hug, kiss, or call goes a long way to make women happy. In the end, most women just want simple things. Every man needs to show that they care and the way they do this has to be expressive and considerate. Sometimes it is not all about the money but the little things that make life manageable and worth living.
This is arguably one of the most important factors in any relationship. Most women want someone they have a deeper connection with; someone they can carry on a conversation with; someone that motivates them. So many times when you ask women why their relationships aren’t working, the answer is usually a variation of “the chemistry just isn’t there and I don’t know what to do.”
3. Emotional Presence
A lot of men decry the fact that their women want them to listen to all they have to say. This could be hard to do but if any man must become his lady’s man, he must learn to listen and do it attentively. There’s nothing more distracting and uncool as looking at your cellphone when your partner is trying to have a conversation. Emotional presence does sound like a lot of work but it could be as simple as responding to texts and calls as soon as possible or informing your partner that you are busy and will be responding as soon as you can.
This one is particularly difficult for Nigerian men because of the tradition of men never showing weakness. However, it is almost impossible to build a relationship with anyone who is hardly open about anything. The reason for this is simple – when someone is closed off it becomes hard for their partner to even determine what is going on with them and how to react. Women find men who are relatively vulnerable charming because it helps the relationship to do away with notions of power and superiority.
For women, it is often a deal-breaker when they are made less powerful in their relationships; and this is because their partners don’t treat them as equals.
There’s always been a cultural deficit in our society where women have always be unequal to men in almost every way, politically, socially, sexually, and economically. But that is changing rapidly today as women want to be seen as equals to men instead of competitors for dominance.Harville Hendrix PhD.
In as much as women like their men to be a little vulnerable and emotional, they also want an assertive man. No woman wants a man who doesn’t ask for what he wants. Assertiveness allows relationships to thrive well because it is actually okay to make some demands once in a while. Men hardly ask for anything because they feel they can do everything for themselves but women actually love men that are bold enough to ask for a back massage or even a face rub. These silly demands reinforce the love partners have for each other and do provide avenues to be more expressive.
Safety is a huge part of every relationship. In fact, it is one of the reasons why people go into relationships in the first place – to have someone to safely build a future with. Women want a man that will make them feel safe at all times. Any relationship without some level of emotional, physical, economic, and social safety is bound to end very soon.
Awareness is the ability to know yourself enough so that others can influence you without changing the core of your personality. Most times men are opposed to this idea, but it does go a long way to draw partners closer.
This is a big one because it has three parts.
- Stability means emotionally stable (so not flying off at the handle),
- then economically stable,
- and also relationally stable
If you’re not familiar with the third part, it means that a woman can count on her man to be predictable, reliable and that he’s essentially someone she could rely on if she owned a home together or had a child with him.
10. Curiosity about her Wellbeing
This one could be bad if it is done excessively and with malintent. But women love it whenever their partners show real concern for their wellbeing like asking how their day went and actually listening.
Lastly, there are no set rules for a perfect relationship as every relationship is different. However, if the things listed here are employed then relationships are bound to yield good stories. But these things are hard and requires effort from the partners involved. The bottom line here is that relationships are not black boxes.