The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said, “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
As you can see, The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.
- No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches, wishing and hoping. End the disappointment and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the ‘rejector’, not rejected.
- No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.
- Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
- Establish strong personal boundaries and enforce them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.
- Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “Fuck Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on.
Sometimes The Law of Fuck Yes or No will apply differently on different levels.
Fuck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you are completely convinced that someone is right for you.
You can be “Fuck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fuck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship. or trying to fix things in an unhappy relationship because you can see future potential.
But the real beauty of The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life.
If all of the people you pursue give you a mild response or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Fuck Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Fuck Yes” to.
And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self-improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.
This decision-making strategy is helpful and great. Especially towards protecting and looking out for yourself. My only problem with it is that it takes away the role of communication and by adopting this all the time, you’re saying that you can predict the future with all your relationships. Life in itself is uncertain and not everything is what it seems.
Personally speaking, I didn’t get a ‘fuck yes’ with most of my friends. If anything I already gave and got a no. I already canceled the idea that anything good will come from the people who would become my most favorite people. Or even things you were really skeptical about doing but eventually turned out rewarding.
My opinion is based on my personal experience. Another person may have a totally different approach. I think the best way to go around this is to find the balance so that you’re not too critical and extreme with how you approach life.
What’s your opinion about this approach? I’d love to hear it.