If you’re serious about relationship self-help, think about improving your relationship with yourself.
One of the best self-development techniques I know of is this – when something bugs you about someone else, see how that applies to you.
Why? Because what bugs us in other people is usually what we need to pay attention to in ourselves. Otherwise, why would we be noticing?
How about you? If it bugs you that someone isn’t being more considerate of you, is that because you need to be more considerate of you? If it bugs you that someone isn’t giving you enough attention, could that mean that perhaps you need to be paying more attention to yourself? If someone isn’t taking care of their health, could that mean that you need to be more health conscious?
Take a look. Let your attention teach you what you need to learn.
There’s a concept called a mirror image. it is the behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals’ notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.
Every relationship is a mirror and most of the time, the things we complain about other people and how they treat us is also reflected from us.
Whether we are in a romantic relationship or not, tending to and cultivating the most important relationship in our lives, the one we have with ourselves is what brings us true happiness and is the foundation from which we create beautiful relationships with others.
The universe will perfectly align us with those who mirror back to us the areas In which we need to heal or they will mirror back to us the space of self-love that we’ve created. In this way, our relationships are our greatest signals. They magnify whatever it is that’s going on within us.
Relationships are assignments to help us grow. Many times we align with someone who challenges us by triggering our unhealed wounds, making us act from fearful patterns of communication that create separation rather than connection. This looks like the fight or flight. It is based on past traumas big or small that we unconsciously bring into the present moment and even project into the future. Oftentimes, it is not the present situation that is upsetting us but rather an unhealed wound rooted in the past.
When we’re scared rather than going to conflict or running away, we can go within. Going within means to connect with yourself through meditation or whatever way you connect with your answers and clarity within.
Many times we try to change the other person in order for us to be happy or we judge or blame others rather than owning our own feelings and taking inventory to see how a limiting belief or pattern can be blocking us from what we desire.
The way we treat ourselves will affect how others treat us. The truth is, most times, we aren’t giving ourselves that which we require from others.
We are meant to live in our full potential and when we do so, we allow our relationships to be the fullness that they can be as well. The universe lines us up with experiences that allow us to make new choices and break out of old patterns.
Our habit is to focus on what’s not working on the outside and try to fix it. Shift your attention to what’s happening on the outside and deepen your attention and awareness on your inner life. When we focus on our internal space and take care of that first. Everything else lines up on the outside.
Self-love is beyond making your hair and grooming yourself. It involves looking after your emotions and thoughts. It is being honest with yourself about the toxicity you continue to move around within. Being unfair to yourself and trying to be fair to everyone around you. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Look after yourself first. Be more intentional and careful with yourself.