Grief is a natural yet painful response to loss. While you may associate grief with the death of a loved one, any loss can cause grief, including the loss of a relationship, your health, your job, or a cherished dream. There’s no wrong or right way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that won’t lead to a long term problem later.
Being bereaved is one thing, helping a bereaved is another thing. It’s like sitting at the other side of a fence. Death affects everyone, it’s part of life. I’ve had my own fair share of dealing with loss and all that comes with it.
While there’s no right or wrong way to help a bereaved person, there are things from my personal experience I honestly wish people around don’t say. Bear in mind that these people and all that they say comes from a place of love. They’re trying to be there for you.
When someone you care about is grieving, it can be quite difficult to know what to say or do. The bereaved struggle with many intense and painful emotions, including depression, anger, guilt, and profound sadness. Often, they also feel isolated and alone in their grief.
You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong things, or making them feel even worse at such a difficult time. Don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone who is grieving. Now, more than ever, your loved one needs your support. You don’t even need to give answers or advice. The most important thing you can do is to simply be there. It’s your support and caring presence that will help your loved one cope with the pain and gradually begin to heal.
The first step to helping is to understand the grieving process. Grieve does not always unfold in orderly, predictable stages. It is an emotional rollercoaster, with unpredictable highs, lows, and setbacks. Everyone grieves differently.
Once that is out of the way, here are things you should completely avoid. As it honestly doesn’t help out. They’ll much rather appreciate your presence and silence than any of these things.
“It’s part of God’s plan.” This phrase is worse. As much as you think you’re trying to encourage, you’re doing the complete opposite and it sparks negative emotions
“Look at what you have to be thankful for.” That’s not even important in that moment.
“He’s in a better place now.” The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself.
“This is behind you now; it’s time to get on with your life.” Okay, tracker first of all the bereaved may think to move on means “forgetting” their loved one. Besides, moving on is much easier said than done. Grieve works at its own pace.
Statements that begin with “You should” or “You will.” These statements are too directive. Instead, you could begin your comments with: “Have you thought about…” or “you might try…”
They know you care and love them but these statements are the most common things said while someone is grieving. Since your intention is to make them feel better, these statements do no good.
