If you want your children to grow up into adults you can be proud of then you must be prepared to be the man they can be proud of.
Unstable parents create insecure children. Stable parents raise stable children. Children need affection (hugs), attention (listening) and affirmation (positive words), every day. If your child has poor self-esteem, it could be that you give advice more than you encourage him or her.
So many times we yell and destroy the self-confidence of our children. Yelling drowns your message. Speak such that your child can hear your words instead of just your voice. Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment, on the other hand, is making a child suffer retribution for having a problem.
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So if you must invest in your child and raise him/her to become a problem solver then you must focus on solutions and not on retributions. When a man loves his wife, it creates security and stability. The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother. Children learn how to handle feelings, loses, failure and conflicts at home.
A father’s influence goes to the fourth generation after him. Whitney Houston’s parents Emily (Cissy) and John Houston divorced when she was at kindergarten.
Together with a lover, Bobby Brown, Whitney smoked crack in the presence of their 5-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. At 22, Bobbi died of drug abuse the same as her mother Whitney who died at 48 on similar grounds. Great careers and more importantly, great lives lost due to weak fatherhood. Be the type of man you would love your daughter to be with.
While there is little you can do about your ancestors, there is something that you can do about your descendants. One thing that prevents a man from being a good father is that he hasn’t completed being a boy. To be in your children’s’ memory tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. Having children doesn’t make you a father. Raising them does.
There are many of us who were raised up in unstable families but we don’t have to pass it on to our children. We don’t have to fight in the presence of our children. We can choose to shield their emotions from our disputes as adults. To a large extent, you are a product of your early relationships.
Regrettably, parenting can neither be delegated nor suspended for a while as we work for the ring of fame and fortune. The growth of children is irreversible. Like a young tree, it takes the bends directed by the gardener, so is the life of a child. You can’t shape it in adulthood; you can’t pick it from where you left after you reach the top in your career pursuits. It’s always easier to model young boys than to rehabilitate grown-up men.
If you invest in your child, you don’t have to invest in your child. A man’s success is measured by what his wife and children say about him. Money and accomplishment mean nothing if you let your home fail.
Children require presence not presents. No amount of gifts and meeting financial obligations can replace your personal presence. Any written will can be torn in a few years after the demise of the writer of the will. The only sure inheritance that you can leave behind is the investment you make in your child, not for your child. Think about it.
By Gbenga Owotoki