I’m Asari (Episode 51): The Past Week Brought Something

This past week has just been funny, you know how you start lying about a particular thing just to get people off your back and somehow the lie turns into the truth? That is exactly what happened to me this past week. Okay, you remember the whole intervention and birthday blues episode; where everyone in my life was treating me like a fragile egg… right. Even my brother, my brother who doesn’t care about emotional stuff has been calling me regularly to “check” on me.

“Don’t worry, I won’t commit suicide; at least not until you get to be eighty years old so that I can make fun of your old man walking step” I joked with him on one of his calls “Don’t try me o, I will be young forever” he joked and we laughed. It was nice talking to him more often than I usually did… I guess some good things came out of this whole suicide fiasco.

Anyway, back to the past week events. So, one morning… Monday morning to be more specific, it was around 7:00 a.m.; I got out of bed, got dressed, told my parents that I had a job interview, and left the house. But the truth was that, I did not have any job interview.

This past week, I just wanted to leave the house for a change and not be left at home by everyone go out to do something with their lives. I wanted them (my mother) to stop coming to my room every morning on her way to work to “check” on me and ask me fifty billion times if everything was okay with me.

So, I went out with no direction in life, my mother offered to drop me off so that I wouldn’t be late but you already know what I said; I left the house and entered my Uber with no direction in life.

My plan was to go to a nearby library to while away time but while the car drove me to the library I scrolled through my twitter and saw an advertisement for a job. It was a private company and the position was that of an executive assistant.

Let me make this clear, I didn’t want the job neither was I even prepared for the job in question but as a person with no direction for that morning; I decided to go for the interview as a way to while away time.

I got to the location and we were five people in total waiting to be interviewed which surprised me considering the jobless condition of most people in this country. I registered my name “what about your CV” the receptionist asked “I have the soft copy” I replied.

I did have the soft copy lying somewhere in my email inbox “send it to me so that I can print it” she said nicely which was surprising because I was expecting her to berate me for not being prepared. I did as she asked and took my seat.

I sat beside a girl stress by nervousness, I smiled at her to make her feel a little better but I don’t think it worked because she turned away from me abruptly never to look my side until she was called in.

Alas, it was my turn to face the CEO of the company and I was not nervous at all; maybe cause I was just doing it to … you guessed it… while away time. I entered and the CEO of the company was a man about thirty five years old or even less, good looking… very good looking and distracted from what I could see. It seemed as if he had a lot of work on his hands.

“Flight ticket, my dry cleaning, office memo and lunch. In what order will you do these things if I put them on your to do list of the day?” the question took me aback but I was able to compose myself.

“Flight ticket first, because the earlier you book the cheaper it is, then the office memo so that everyone in concern will see it on time; followed by your lunch so that it will arrive before one o’clock and then your dry cleaning” he looked at me and asked if had ever been an assistant before and I said no.

I wanted to tell him that being a bank marketer was like being an assistant to high end customers but I just left it; after all I didn’t want the job. He shook my hand and the interview was over, just as fast as it started.

I achieved my goal of trying to while away time because by the time I was done with everything, it was one o’clock so I got an Uber and headed home. On my way home, the receptionist I met at the job interview called me to tell me that I was the chosen candidate; it felt good to be picked but I wasn’t interested so I told her that I had just left a job this past week and that I needed a day to accept the offer and she surprisingly agreed.

“Welcome, how did the interview go?” my mother greeted me from the living room, she didn’t go to work that day “did you get it?” she was eager and I hated to lie to her but the truth was that I didn’t want that job and the last thing I wanted was to be stuck at another job that I didn’t like “no mummy, they chose someone else”. I replied and practically ran to my bedroom before she asked something else. Yup, that is the funny event that took place in this past week.