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“Twinkle twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high. Like a diamond in the sky”. Do you know why I am singing? I am singing because I am finally home from my so-called audition, I am finally five thousand miles away from my experience in Lagos. Home has never been sweeter.
The first point of frustration when I got to Lagos was the traffic jam that I had to endure for about three hours. I thought about coming down from my airport taxi to enter another cab back to the airport and enter a flight back to Abuja but I decided to power through the journey. I got to my hotel and I was finally able to relax for five minutes before my boss called me to remind me that I was there on borrowed time and that I had work waiting for me. I am used to her subtle threats so it wasn’t anything new.
I got into Lagos on Friday and my audition was on Saturday, so I had time to practice and plan what I was going to wear. An old friend of mine Lami was supposed to come over later that night to take me out for drinks and I was looking forward to it. I like Lagos, I like Lagos nightlife. After resting and eating, I showered and by 6:00 pm I was ready for Lami but she never showed up; instead, she sent me a short message an hour later saying that she couldn’t come because of unforeseen matters. I called her to make sure she was alright but she didn’t answer.
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I was disappointed, I thought about lying on my bed and watching TV or taking myself out for a change. I chose the latter, I just really needed to do something to take the audition off my mind. It was the hotel restaurant, so all I needed to do to get there was to use the elevator; the restaurant was very beautiful but not so big. As I entered I quickly scanned the room for a semi-dark corner, where I could eat and people-watch in peace with no disturbance. A waiter walked towards me and asked me if I was meeting someone but I told him I was there alone “Are you serious?” was his reply, as if I was some kind of weirdo or something but I refused to be offended. He led me towards a table that I was already eyeing; it had only one seat so it was perfect. He gave me the menu and left.
As I looked through the menu, another waiter walked to me with an extra chair for my table but I told him that I didn’t need it since I was there alone “are you serious?” was his reply, in the same context as the other waiter
“What do you mean ‘are you serious?’ am I not allowed to eat by myself?” my irritation forced me to ask
“No ooo. I didn’t say so” he replied rushing away. I’m sure he could tell that I was getting upset. I decided to let go of the anger and enjoy myself, I was in Lagos for god’s sake; the center for excellence. I ordered grilled shrimps and a bloody mary to go with it, it was marvelous. As I ate, I noticed a couple adjacent me arguing. I tried to eavesdrop, you know me and amebo; I think they were fighting about her birthday or something… I’m not sure.
Okay so I was minding my own business doing my own amebo until the guy started looking at me then his girlfriend turned to see who he was looking at so fearlessly and their fight went from gear one to gear five
“Oh, she is the one you want now abi? Why not just go to her table and eat with her” she howled
“Stop shouting” he ordered
“Don’t tell me what to do; you do whatever you want in this relationship so allow me to do whatever the hell I want. If you want to go and sit with her be my guest” her voice was loud and everybody in the restaurant was looking. He tried to calm her down but she was not having it. You won’t believe what she did next. This lady took his food and drink from their table to mine and was like “he is all yours”. Everyone in the restaurant was looking at me like a homewrecker; I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I stood up to leave but it was very hard because she pushed him over my table and it crumbled on my leg.
I can’t use words to explain the pain I felt, I was wearing high heels so the impact of the table and the guy’s weight twisted my ankle and it gave way for me to land on the floor also hitting my head on the edge of a chair as I was going down. Gaad damn! What a night. A girl could not have a simple meal with herself. It had to be destroyed by a paranoid damsel.