A 2018 study published in the Journal of Sex Research sheds some light about why people cheat. In the study, 495 adults (average age of 20) were recruited through a university and online to complete a 77-item questionnaire about their motivations for engaging in infidelity. The items were drawn from previous research on cheating, as well as research on people’s motivations for having sex more broadly. While the research and study was carried out in the US, it gives valuable insight about relationships and infidelity irrespective of your location
Based on people’s responses to the items on this questionnaire, researchers extracted eight broader themes that characterize motivations for infidelity. These themes were:
1.) Anger. There are two sides to this. One involves cheating out of a desire to get back at a partner who had cheated or was suspected of having done so. The second side involves the desire to get back at a partner who had done something else that had been upsetting (something that wasn’t an act of infidelity).
2.) Sexual desire. This multi-faceted reason involves a desire to try certain sex acts that one’s partner had no interest in, a higher sex drive, as well as confusion about one’s sexual orientation.
3.) Lack of love. Another multi-faceted reason that includes uncertainty about being with the “right” person, falling out of love with a partner, and growing bored of the routine of the relationship.
4.) Neglect. Some cheat because they feel they are not spending enough time with one’s partner, constant arguments or trouble in the relationship, as well as feeling that one’s partner had not given them enough attention.
5.) Lack of commitment. This included not communicating properly about relationship rules and labels, a fear of commitment, and wanting to have children with somebody else.
6.) Situational factors. This included being on holiday, being under the influence of drugs and alcohol, being friends with other people who had affairs, and feeling like you couldn’t resist a person who was making moves on you.
7.) Esteem. This included wanting to assert one’s independence, boost one’s self-esteem, a desire to reignite the spark with one’s primary partner, as well as a desire to prove to a partner that others find you attractive.
8.) Variety. This included wanting more variety in sexual partners, being confident that one’s partner wouldn’t find out about the affair, and wanting to take advantages of sexual opportunities before marriage.
N.B: Older people were underrepresented in this study and might have different cheating motives not listed here. Although participants were presented with a lengthy list of cheating motivations, it did not necessarily include all possible factors that might lead someone to cheat. Furthermore, this is helpful to relationship experts as it shows there is no “one size fits all” approach when dealing with cases of infidelity.