A lady posted that “Every woman is wife material. The problem is that, some materials end up in the hands of the wrong tailors.” I commented that “I strongly disagree, a bad material cannot make a good cloth, no matter how skilful or good the tailor is.”
It was a serious argument between me and some of the ladies who hid under the above assertion. I agree that there some good ladies end up with the wrong guys. I know that some ladies were not able to get married, not because they don’t have a good character but they didn’t meet the serious guys or something came up.
I believe that there are men who tell lies, who promise marriage but end up disappointing ladies, after they must have gotten what they wanted.
However, it’s better to talk about the reality. Some ladies are not good for marriage, better still, they are not ready for marriage. It’s very wrong to think that every lady has a good character and whenever a relationship failed, it’s the man’s fault.
There’s this blame game, even in marriage, that every marriage that’s not working or has failed is the fault of the man, even if the woman is the at fault.
I’ve realized that many ladies are looking for a man that will accept them for who they are, no matter how bad their character is, there are many men who come to ladies for serious relationship that will eventually back off because the ladies in question lack the requisite character needed.
Ladies should know that just as they are looking for men with good characters and not bullies, men also need women with good characters.
Why am I focusing on ladies, what I’ve seen is too. There’s pressure on women to get married, pressure from family and friends, pressure from the society and self imposed pressure.
I’ve read in many groups where many ladies ask for the members to pray for them so that they can get their own husbands but what I usually ask is that, do those ladies have good character?
I’m not saying that every lady that lingers in her father’s house or reach 30 and above before getting married has a bad character. I know that some were not lucky to have fallen into the hands of the wrong men but some have chased men away, men that would have married them.
Believe me, any lady that reached 30 years might have come across a very serious man who would have married them when they were in their 20s but they felt that they had time, they turned many proposals because they are waiting for ready made men, men that have qualities that cannot be found in one man. Some have also chased men away because of their excessive demands, this is a norm but the truth is that, no man who will want to marry a lady that see a relationship as business where there’s return on investment.
There are many things that ladies do, not knowing that these things chase men away. Look, beauty, good shape, and all physical qualities is not all that a man needs. Men need woman who have ambitions, women who will support them to be more successful, women who respect them, women who can build their home.
Ladies should stop expecting that every man can put up with their bad character or continue waiting for a “tailor that will work on their bad material” but instead, build themselves, develop good character.
Having a good character and ambition has a lot of advantages, not only for marriage, also for career and friendship. Even if you don’t get married, you know that you can’t be blamed.
By Bulus Shehu