lifestyle

My Ex and My Marriage

My Ex is one of the few beings that really understands me as a weird being even though I have found my fiancee to be a full house wife material, I mean 40-yards-housewife material. My ex-girlfriend matches all my craziness and quietness but we couldn’t take it a step further because of tribal issues raised by her father- yes, you heard me right, tribal issues! Even in this age. Now that I’ve found love again, must I delete my ex because of my marriage? That’s a question that needs serious attention.

My Ex: A Journey cut short

My ex is one of the few people I really got along with in life after my siblings. It took me many years as a loner to finally get into a relationship. I met Chimezie six years ago in Lagos. We exchanged contacts as participants in an event after we’ve discussed widely on the theme of the event. We were well-versed on the topic, so getting in touch with her will definitely be one to look forward to for me, I reasoned.

I was in touch with her and we discussed every now and then on WhatsApp. She found my updates very interesting and anytime I post anything related to relationship matters, she is like hmmm in her comments. I once posted ‘’I’ll never marry a sad or moody person because I’m a crazy and a happy being’’ knowing fully well that Chimezie is just like me.

I took the bold step and asked Chimezie out in a poetic style. She laughed and replied in the same manner that swept me off my feet. She had to test my nerves by saying ‘no’ at the first place but we get on a month later. You know that kind of feeling when writers are in love, there’s no revised edition to it. We were so creative even though we were several kilometers apart, the distance doesn’t stop our Romeo & Juliet fantasy.

Chimezie finally came visiting after months of promise. She met my people and they were happy, at least I brought home a lady (if she’s Togolese or Iraqi doesn’t matter to them). I never knew her dad wasn’t in support of our relationship (though I have spoken with her mom and siblings whom we got on well). It was until I was hammering on us walking down the aisle the coming year that she said her dad won’t allow that to happen. She said he nearly disowned her when he knew she traveled all the way to Abeokuta to see me.

It was tough on us but we have to stop our relationship. She couldn’t stand seeing my updates but I pleaded we continue as friends because I learnt many things from her. She gave her blessings and prayed I find someone special. 4 months later, I found love again. Although she doesn’t have the vibes of my ex, but she is a noble lady with beauty, brain and character.

In the early stages of my new relationship, I cannot but stop referring to my ex and this wasn’t too good for my new found love. ‘’you always hurt me whenever you talk about your ex in our discussion, maybe you should just go back to her’’ she said. I actually promised to block my ex-girlfriend now that we were preparing for forever. That’s just a blatant lie because I couldn’t do just that because I didn’t see my ex in the picture again but a mere friend and she understands that fact.

My Ex and My Marriage: Should ex(es) be cut off?

This question was ringing in my mind so I asked some friends who are married about their opinion on this topic. This is what they have to say:

Hmmm! I will say NO because they could be of help in the future. If you leave in good or bad terms, because you have shared some moments together in the past, they could still be of help. Although there shouldn’t be intimacy.

_ Mrs. Bali

You don’t have to cut them off finally but there should be a distance between you. You have to make sure you don’t communicate like you use to do before, if possible delete some of his/her social media contact. It’s possible you could bring back a past memory that made you guys happy and lead to another thing so it’s better you flee rather than cutting off.

_ Mr. Dayo Sucre

Since you are going on a forever journey with the one you love, your ex(es) shouldn’t be an intruder. Even if you don’t want intimacy, he/she might need it so it is better you cut them off finally. That doesn’t mean you are now enemies.

_ Mrs Vivian.

I think exes should be cut off amicably after getting married. For the obvious reason that the relationship they had, had ended. However, where both parties are work colleagues or even neighbors, then they should be civil to each other. If one party finds that he or she is getting affected by the close proximity at work or neighborhood, then they should move before some catastrophic happens.

_ Barrister Mrs. Ogundari

With all said, I think it’s better to cut off your ex(es) amicably. To avoid stories that touches the heart, it’s better you leave them for good and let your partner be your all-in-all. Marriages are for two parties that agree to go on forever, so an outsider shouldn’t be allowed no matter what.

Well, if you have an opinion different from this, you can contribute through the comment section. Thanks for taking time in reading this piece.

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