In African society, men are raised to bottle up emotions. They are not expected to cry so much as it implies “weakness”. For instance, losing a loved one hurts a lot, and he cries or even as much as attempts to grieve. You hear statements like: “Stop crying like a girl, be strong, you’re a man,” and the list goes on. The man is supposed to just keep a straight face in an unfortunate situation as if he is not a human being.
Men are most of the time taught how to act in all situations, except how to show emotions. It happens to everyone, but it is more of a gender-specific issue. They are taught to bottle up their feelings and “man up”. I am not talking about wallowing in self-pity and allowing yourself drown in your problems, far from that.
Society has contributed to increasing cruelty and extreme aggression with its ignorance of masculine emotional well-being. With men moving about with all sorts of frustrations and no safe place to offload. With all the recent awareness on mental health, it is OK for men to cry when they are sad, it is OK for men to be a little more compassionate and kind and not be shamed for it.
The issue here is that bad things happen to everyone sometimes. It could be the death of a loved one, things not going as planned and so on. Bottling up feelings is what is more of an orientation in our society. So, even when he is sad, he will much more hide it than show it. A narrower range of emotions is encouraged in boys than in girls
All I’m saying here is that it is perfectly okay and much more recommended that when things get overwhelming, take time off and get a needed break for the sake of your health. It is okay for men to cry or even shout. All your feelings are valid.
Scientists speculate that trouble regulating emotion may explain the link between restricted emotions and aggressive behavior toward others in men. This seems likely, given that emotional regulation is gained through practice, which boys may be less likely to have if they are not taught and allowed to experience the full range of emotions.
We can do better, we should do better!