I’m Asari (Episode 59): Truth Or Dare, The Truth Is That I Fvcked Up
It was a Sunday, I woke up as early as I usually do to clean and make breakfast for whoever wanted to eat before going to church; my brother was at home from school for a few days so the breakfast was really for him. Anyway, after breakfast we all went to church.
Church on this particular Sunday was funny because… not the service itself but after the service; the part where you greet people and socialize before going home was very funny because now that I think about it, it felt like an intervention on its own. A mini intervention.
Everyone I talked to asked me what I was doing now that I wasn’t with the bank anymore and I always replied with “I am still in the process of deciding what I want to do” and they went off to giving me unsolicited advice which I hated by the way. There are very few things I hate more than unsolicited advice that is why I always resist the temptation to give one myself.
Anyway, after their unsolicited advice, they will call another person we both know and the process will continue; it really was an intervention… like 50 sessions of mini interventions. Okay, I am exaggerating but my god… it was so freaking exhausting and my mother didn’t help matters; she loved it, she wanted people to talk to me so that I would snap out of whatever phase she thought I was in.
To her, I wasn’t doing anything with my life. To her, I just quit my job and I am just chilling at home enjoying myself; if she thinks staying in that house all day while everyone else is at work is enjoyment then she needs to check again.
On our way home, my father suggested that we all went to a Chinese restaurant to have lunch; it was weird but I was not going to turn down Chinese food and there was no way in hell my brother was going to either. So we went to a Chinese restaurant and I had one of the best meals of my life. My father let us have everything we wanted including take away.
We got home and within fifteen minutes of our arrival, Lota and Ashezi appeared “I didn’t know you guys were coming over” I was surprised but happy to see them “we wanted to surprise you” they replied, speaking at the same time like twins; it was weird but I ignored the awkward look on Lota’s face.
I should have known something was up when I offered them wine and they declined “We are coming… let’s get something from the car” they said, speaking at the same time again but before I could point out how weird they were acting, they were already out of my room.
About ten minutes later, my mother came to my room and asked me to join her in the living room “mummy, I am coming let me just wear my top” I was trying to stop her from waiting for me but she waited anyway until I was done and walked behind me as we headed towards the living room.
It reminded me of scenes in mafia movies where they are going to slaughter one of their own, it really looked like that; but I forgot all about the mafia when I entered the living room.
Everyone was seated, including Lota and Ashezi. I turned to my left and saw two of my aunties that I only see at weddings and funerals “what is going on here? Is this an intervention or what?” “Asari please sit” my question was supposed to be sarcastic but my mother’s tone when she asked me to sit made me realize that… oh dear… the meeting was about me. It was an intervention for me.
They took turns talking to me and telling me how my unhappiness was their unhappiness and how they would never be truly happy if I was not living a happy life “I am not unhappy” I exclaimed “then why did you quit your job?” my mother countered “because I want to start another career, I want to follow my dream as a television host” I yelled… I was irritated by it all.
My father looked at me compassionately and said “My darling girl, this is really not about you quitting your job. Ever since that boy stopped coming around, you have changed; you have become a shell of yourself, things that used to interest you before don’t interest you anymore… all you do is lock yourself in your room for hours on end”.
“We are all here because we love you… because… because…” the words were hard for him to say and my mother was already shedding tears “because what?” I was eager for him to finish. “Because we are worried about you Asari, yesterday you bought a rope…” “hey!” one of my aunties exclaimed. I was still confused and I desperately wanted my father to finish talking.
“The rope you bought is the type that people use to hang themselves” his words shocked me. I was speechless… out of words to say. Yes, I got a rope but I wanted to use it to make a line in my bathroom to hand things on. I sat there looking within myself, their eyes on me like hawks.
The truth is that I was sad, still sad… I had been very sad for a very long time; ever since the day Abdul ended things with me and he not getting married didn’t change it but I thought I was hiding it perfectly well. I thought that I was doing fine and taking minor steps toward healing.
Yes, I lost interest in a few things that I really liked but I didn’t think that it was that bad neither did I attribute it to the sadness that lay within my soul. “I didn’t buy the rope to kill myself” was the only thing I could say.
They watched me carefully, my mother still shedding tears “Asari, you have not gone on one audition since you quit your job” Lota said softly. I didn’t have an answer to that because she was right and frankly; I was too exhausted by emotions to try to defend myself.
It’s easy to talk off strangers in church that try to get into your business but people who know you deeply cannot be pushed away just like that; not when their truth hits hard.
This was an intervention that was going well for them but not for me because it made me realize how pathetic I was doing in life; it made me realize that I was throwing away my life for a boy who hurt me and was out there… somewhere living his life and being all happy.
I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone, so I chose not to talk anymore; words meant tears “Your mother and I were thinking that you probably need a change of environment, we can send you to Ghana or Mauritius with one of your friends for some weeks if it will help” my parents’ love and consideration was so touching that I couldn’t help it anymore and I just burst into tears.
Yup… I cried like a baby “I am so sorry” I said repeatedly “no no no you aren’t meant to apologize. We just want you to be better” my mother said, holding me in her arms.
If I wasn’t sure of the love of my parents and friends before, now I am sure because yes… I hate the fact that an intervention was conducted for my sake but then again; I like the fact that an intervention was conducted for my sake.
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