I’m Asari (Episode 34): Asari, I can’t Marry Kate

So this guy, after everything he has put me through has the audacity to come to my door step to spew this nonsense he just said “Asari, I cannot marry Kate”. First of all, am I the one who told him to go and propose to Kate? Am I the one who told him to assign a wedding date and plan a quick wedding?

So now that he has cold feet, Asari is the first person to come to. Why? Because he knows how I feel about him and I will help him make a decision. I won’t lie, the anger that started crawling up my spine towards my brain was worse than if I was actually on fire; so I slapped him.

Yup, I gave him a dirty slap. As shocked as he was at my action, his next words surprised me even more “I deserve that” he said rubbing his slapped cheek “yes you do” I howled at him “what do you take me for, a masochist? You know what… fuck you” I spewed angrily and began to walk away but he held me back, pulling me by my arm.

There was a moment of silence “why do you like playing with my emotions, why are you so fucking mean?” I was still very upset and all my effort to speak to him calmly was unsuccessful. “I swear to God, I am not here to play with your emotions” he begged “leave God out of this, he is not the one who told me that he loves me and went off to marry someone else” “Asari please”

“Why are you here?” I asked glancing at Tobe who was waiting patiently in the car but Abdul was quiet.

I knew he wanted to talk, I could see his lips folding, on the verge of saying something but the words just didn’t come out. “I am on my way somewhere, I can’t do this with you… go get married and leave me alone” I said to him and walked away quickly; glad that all the time that I was talking to him no drop of tear fell out of my eyes. “Asari! Asari!” he called but I didn’t look back. I went straight into Tobe’s car and we drove off.

I know what you are thinking; you are probably thinking that he came to my house because he wanted to be with me. Well… you may be right; he may have just come to tell me that the only woman he wants to be with is me. Let me tell you something about heartbreak; it’s a quote I read somewhere that resonated deeply with me. It goes like this “never let a man break your heart twice”.

You see, when a man breaks your heart the first time is not your fault because most likely you didn’t see it coming but if you give him another chance and he does it again then it is most definitely your fault. It’s kind of like the ‘fool me one time shame on you, fool me two times shame on me’ quote. The thing I have observed with men especially the ones that are good at hurting you is that; the moment they realize that you will always take them back no matter what they have done to you. That is when they will grow the balls to do whatever they please to you because they know that you will always be there.

Who told Abdul that I haven’t moved on and that if he came back now; I will be waiting for him? His bloody ego told him that and that is what I shut down this morning.

Don’t get me wrong oh. I really do love him but the fact that he claimed to love me too and couldn’t forgive me for having an emotional and hysteric episode meant that he didn’t really love me. I know that I get very emotional sometimes but looking back at the day we fought in his car because he hadn’t broken up with Kate yet makes me feel like I deserve better.

And I know that better is out there somewhere.