I have no confidence and I am anxious all of the time. I always have to be convinced or begged sometimes to attend events. I have quite literally stayed away from speaking in public. I don’t know how to start a conversation, so I’m alone at occasions. Honestly, if I saw someone else behave in the way I did, I would be irritated by them.
Here’s what I do if I absolutely need to interact with people ( because how else will I survive life?).
I watch or think of people I know who are (or seem to be) confident public speakers and practice their mannerisms. One of such people is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Being a black Nigerian woman, she inspires my public speaking because sometimes I find myself being cautious about the way I look. I don’t see myself as ugly, but when I feel insecure about my natural hair, I admire how she rocks hers. The best thing I’ve learned from her is to be confident in my accent. She speaks well and embraces her Nigerian accent, which is a boost for me.
Just before I address anyone or group of people, I give myself a pep talk. I tell myself that there is no way my brain is going to let the wrong words come out of my mouth. I also try to imagine that I was sent on a mission (like James Bond). I know that I cannot fail on this mission, so I put in my best work and I’ve found that this gives me the confidence I need.
Because of how bad I think I am at interacting, I try to ask questions instead of waiting to be asked. When I’m asked I observe that I mostly give one-word replies, so my ‘escape’ is to ask. So it’s either I learn from the answers or pick up on one and let the conversation flow. For example, if I meet you for the first time and ask what type of stuff you watch and your reply is “period pieces”, we would most likely spend the rest of the day talking about period pieces.
Asking questions makes me appear more confident, engaging and willing to learn about other people and things. Also, people like to chat with people who are ready to listen.
One of the reasons I am not confident is that I fear I have nothing to talk about. When you explore, meet more people and experience new things, you will have more depth in the way that you interact. The more people you meet, the more you ask questions, the more lessons you learn, and the more there is to talk about.
I also try to talk myself out of being confident sometimes, because “what is the point?” The point is, as you act confident, you begin to actually become confident. Confidence gives you the ability to say no to things that you do not want. It also helps you overcome your fears and build a success mindset.