Happy single-parent and son laughing in an outdoor setting
My parents talked to me about a lot of things while growing up but one topic that was conspicuously missing in all of our conversations was sex. I’m in my late twenties and still waiting to have that conversation with my parents but I’m not holding my breath at this point.
Most Nigerian parents of the older generation will rather talk about death than sex, but in today’s fast evolving world, with an overload of information about sex on social media and TV, an open conversation about sex with your kids is necessary. This discussion should be done without instilling fear, misinformation, and myths.
Furthermore, boys, just as much as girls, need this conversation. It’s a common misconception that girls need to be talked to about sex while boys are allowed to roam free. So how does one handle this conversation? Here’s how:
Most parents avoid having a sex conversation with their children, only coming to the realisation that, when they finally summon the courage to sit down with them, their children have already digested loads of incorrect information from far less desirable sources.
Sex is projected everywhere and every day in our society, whether it’s on an Instablog post, the latest Wizkid music video, on a billboard, or on TV. Avoiding the topic is not preventing your child from learning about sex. It does, however, prevent them from learning accurate information about sex.
Scandinavian European countries are known for being at the forefront of talking with their children about sex. They begin having many, small, age-appropriate conversations right out of the gate, and ultimately, they report higher rates of positive first sexual experiences, and a teen pregnancy rate that is significantly lower than the rest of the world.
Discussions about sexuality need not only be about sexual intercourse and unwanted pregnancies, but can also incorporate other social and emotional issues, including body image, gender roles, relationships, health, and self-respect amongst others.
Discussing sex is a springboard to teaching your child about healthy boundaries in relationships, what defines an intimate relationship, and how to take care of themselves, both physically and emotionally.
One of the Scandinavian countries mentioned earlier, the Netherlands began a curriculum using these concepts as early as kindergarten. Children are shown images of physical affection, such as hugs, and asked why the people might be hugging. Teachers prompt them to think about how they feel when engaging in these same interactions with their favorite people.
Children respond with insightful reactions such as, “Because they like each other,” “It makes me feel warm on the inside.” Lessons like this are designed to get kids thinking and talking about the kind of intimacy that feels good and the kind that doesn’t.
If you want your child to freely talk to you about sex, it’s best to avoid judgement and lectures and become a good listener. Yes, it will be awkward and may challenge your own comfort level but when you give your child the space to talk without feeling criticized, they will be open with you about sexual issues. By becoming a trusted figure in that area of their lives, you’re earning the right to speak into their maturation as young adults. It’s also important to note that having these conversations does not automatically mean that your child or ward will start thinking about only sex, instead, it’ll make them more open to talk if they have questions.
Still unsure about how to start a talk on sex? Leave age-appropriate articles or books about teenage sexuality around your home. Teens will pick them up on their own to read them and you can strike up a conversation about them later.