The podcast involving Caramel has opened the floor for an age-long debate. The dynamics of the institution of marriage that blossoms from a fruitful relationship have brought on many controversial debates.
The 21st century is ridden by so many unsustainable but academically relevant ideologies. Feminism is one of those ideologies. In its original tenet, it cannot be accused of flaws, but humans are flawed creatures and our interaction with this ideology has created room for mockery and confusion.
The struggle for equality amongst gender when brought on social media fails to highlight that this equality takes into consideration the strength and weaknesses of both genders. A man is not expected to house a baby and a woman is not expected to be the breadwinner of the family.
This lack of consideration has stirred the 50/50 partnership in relationships and this ratio most times only accounts for finances. It is not questioned or considered that in most relationships and marriages, the female is more emotionally available for both her partner and children, she is more spiritually available and she plays roles that cannot be materially quantified.
In cases where a woman chooses to neglect these duties, for instance, decides she’s not ready for childbirth, works late into the night or takes weeks of work trips that pull her away from home, just so she can be the ideal financial partner, she is either shunned by the society for her “modernness” or her home suffers her from her absence or the absence of a child.
A woman’s duties as a partner have to be woven around being submissive. Submission in this narrative means, the meekness of spirit and acceptance of partnership. The podcast raised the issue of submission and provision. While it was poorly worded and delivered with vile examples that revealed a lack of social discernment, it still hinted at an essence most people would like to ignore.
A relationship is a partnership that is never 50/50. Despite the sneer at statements that hint at the transactional nature of relationships, it cannot be possible any other way. If we analyze the relationship of God with us we see these dynamics.
“For God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life..” There is no way you hear this or read this and doubt that love equals giving. Most times what we give seems of greater value than the word “love”. The most amusing part of this is the stated reward for a certain attribute. The reward here even being greater than what is expected.
God promises an everlasting life as a reward for our belief (faith, trust). It is no mystery that trusting in God translates to submitting to him, our fears, worries, love and everything else. It is the same rules that apply to God providing for the church while believers submit to the teachings of Christ and his commandments.
The Beatitude is also an example of the transactional relationship that exists in the spiritual sphere. God promises a certain luxury to believers that have certain characteristics or perform certain actions. God provides comfort for those who have a relationship with him, this is the essence of sending the Holy Spirit.
God loves, we love and obey in return and then we are protected and provided for by Him. Husbands are mandated to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
A man is supposed to provide and care for his beloved, there is no reason why you want to spend your future with someone and you withhold provision. “Provision” is not synonymous with monetary needs. When a woman feels provided for, she feels protected, understood, respected, considered and included.
Submission is a natural attribute of a woman that understands love and gives it wholeheartedly. Being submissive includes abiding by whatever plans work for a union. If two people in love agree that their financial plan should be 50/50, 60/40 or whatever, it is not a criterion for others, and it is also not for others to hold roundtable meetings for.
People in relationships are to make plans for the future that put both parties, their trials, strength and needs into consideration. If their plans are sustainable they both submit to them and provide in conformity. Any extra in relationships should be based on the benevolence of partners and this is expected where there is love.
Conclusively, relationships are a two-way thing that should be left to the two parties involved. Provision and submission are necessary for relationships to function. While it might sound like a gender thing, it is not. Both parties can submit and provide where need be.