COLUMBUS, IN - APRIL 14: Residents and visitors attend the first Columbus Pride Festival on April 14, 2018 in Columbus, Indiana. Columbus is the hometown of Vice President Mike Pence, who has been a vocal opponent of LGBT issues. The festival, organized by high school senior Erin Bailey, drew hundreds of visitors to the small community located about 45 miles south of Indianapolis. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)
Bisexual women had a lot to share on reddit about their dating experiences with women and men, and what began as a series of fairly obvious observations and quips about the physical differences between their bodies—women have “softer skin”— soon metamorphosed into deeper territory.
“This may be a personal experience rather than one that applies generally to bisexual women, but I do feel less self-conscious about my body with women than I do with men in the early days of a relationship,” said one commenter. “There are so many expectations on women these days to look a certain way and to be constantly well groomed. I’ve dated more than one man who doesn’t truly understand how unrealistic these expectations are and how truly impossible it is for women to consistently meet them and have a full life as well… Women, on the other hand, have an immediate understanding of the situation because they live in society as women as well. That shared experience means that I feel more comfortable to be imperfect around them earlier.”
Another commenter differed, “I’m in a male-dominated field and have nerdy hobbies and am not traditionally feminine, so in some ways, men have been easier for me to get along with. But on the other hand, with another women, I’ve felt a more comforting sense of kinship and a sort of symmetry. But I have been hurt just as much by women as by men. I have dated both men and women who have insulted my body, compared me to other girls, dismissed my feelings, etc. And in some ways, I feel like men can be more clingy and emotional in relationships, just because many men have no emotional outlet other than their romantic partner. Women might be emotionally intimate with a wide circle of friends, but men generally are taught to bottle up their feelings and only open up to their partner, which is a lot of pressure for me.”
She continued, “i prefer dating people who are more similar to myself, who err on the side of over-communicating rather than under-communicating, who are emotionally available and conscious of people around them, who don’t try to dominate the room or go all “well, actually…”, who have a feminine side and don’t try to act macho, and who find me attractive for my butch side rather than just the parts of me that are more conventionally attractive. Because of this, I have mostly stuck to dating women. However, I’m now in a long-term relationship with a man who loves baking and taking care of me when I need it, uses the words “self-care,” understands my emotions better than I do myself sometimes, buys me feminist literature, looks like a beautiful ageless elf, and loves the fact that I could take him in a fight. Even if the traits you like are more common in one gender, there are plenty of people who don’t fit the mold of traditionally feminine or masculine behaviour.”
Emotionally speaking, a number of commenters said that they find it easier to be intimate and make a connection with other women than with men: “I’ve found that it’s easier for me to identify with women and connect through experiences than with men. I’ve also found that I enjoy sex better with women than men because there’s more thought put into it”, a commenter added.
Another user described her experience by breaking all the individuals she had dated into different categories, “Dating a Lesbian: The lesbian I was dating at the time pretty much wanted me to “forget” I also liked men and wanted me to be 100% into women all the time. It was unrealistic to say the least. I couldn’t comment on actors or men in public yet if I said anything about another female it was all good.” “Dating a Bisexual Woman: Pretty standard relationship was fun to talk about people we found attractive etc. Very experimental in the bedroom.” “Dating a Straight man: Asked for threesomes alot but when I actually went to plan it, backed out. Not all that experimental in the room. Got SUPER turned on by the idea of me with another woman and SUPER jealous at the thought of another dude.” “Dating a Bisexual Man: Pretty close to dating the Bisexual woman, just now the penis isn’t made from silicone and there’s no boobs.”